Some things never change, especially mother-wisdoms, those
pronouncements uttered throughout our childhood that helped to shape (or in my
case misshape) who we will become as adults. I was Fidget Bridgette, Nervous
Nancy, Squirmy Wormy, always in a
constant state of perpetual motion. Not so much physically hyper active, although
ballet classes remedied that minor element of my kinetic behavior, but more
overly stimulated mentally.
I needed to be doing something… at all times, every minute of the
day. I cut out movie actress paper dolls, tons of them, Liz Taylor, Doris
Day, Grace Kelly, June Havoc, Ava Gardner, Loretta Young, Jane Powell...with blunt
nosed scissors (there was no such thing as die cut paper doll clothing in those
days), carefully arranging their ball gowns in one pile, daytime wear in
another and accessories in another.
Then it was on to building shoebox dwellings for my Ginny dolls,
with embossed paper napkin curtains and bedspreads, their surfaces rubbed with crayons
to produce the appearance of stylish jacquard fabrics.
Books needed to be devoured (simply reading them and pondering
their content was not on my nine year old radar). One year, I made a copious number
of Indian bracelets with tiny seed beads on a loom my father brought back for
me after a deer hunting trip. He knew I
hated that he hunted and killed deer, so he always brought home a bribe to
appease me. I actually enjoyed picking up any beads that
spilled onto the floor and organizing them by color in their tiny plastic bags.
Talk about anal retention!!!
Fast forward 59 years later, as I traveled
faster than the speed of life to this point in time and here I am with the same fidgety need to be continually
occupied. JL once told me, you don’t
know HOW to relax and I thought long and hard about that. Turned out…..he’s right. I could lay on the
chaise lounge in our wooded and bucolic back yard with a book and a glass of
wine and take great pleasure in breathing in the summer air……for 15 minutes at
most. Then it’s on to whatever project, undertaking
or obsession I was preoccupied with
during those same 15 minutes, which was
never one thing but a combination of all my fixations: practicing my fiddle
tunes, designing pet harnesses, creating textile designs, painting in watercolor,
trying new art techniques, creating bits and pieces mosaics, perfecting my
fashion illustration skills, obsessively watching photoshop and illustrator you tube tutorials.
My head is in the
constant state of imploding and I guess I must get off on it, sort of like the endorphin
addiction felt by runners and manic exercise fanatics of which I was that too before my knees gave out)
All that being said, I dont think I would want it any other way.
Do I achieve a lot? Yes, over
time, I feel I do. Although I consider myself a
jack of all trades and master of none, I have become more fulfilled and
contented with those projects that I do take to their final stages even when it took months to do so. It used to be everything got torn up, ripped up,
thrown out or stomped on in an irascible toddler tantrum….(and in keeping with my
undiagnosed OCD and ADD personality) . I’ve
finally reached a point, albeit at a MUCH later stage of my life, where I
can say yes, I DO know how to relax…..once a project is completed to my
satisfaction, a tune can be fiddled without a mistake or sour note, those
watercolor notebooks don’t look as bad as they first appeared, the textile
designs are finally ready to submit to the client, a new art technique is fun to do
and the results, actually pleasing. Call me Normal Norma…
