Monday, December 16, 2013

There's a hazy void in the studio these days

There's a hazy void in the studio these days that I try to ignore but haven’t the capacity to do so.  Yes, I have my health, a husband, two daughters and two beautiful grand babies who love me as I love them, a cozy house with nature visible from every window, the gift of creativity and days filled with it, music, art, cherished friendships....so much to be grateful for… yes, but I HAD a dog, or more accurately put, she HAD me and the emptiness in my heart seems to defy logic as I try to immerse myself in the normalcy of work.  

From the day we brought her home in September 1997, I was smitten.  But she was my youngest daughter's dog, compensation for snatching her away from our life in California and moving her across country to NY (yet again) at the age of 12, tender and tumultuous.  As it usually happens, the promise she made to be the sole caretaker of this ball of white cotton with legs was short lived and the task (honor) fell to me.  I never minded, even though Lacy was often times aloof, with her own agenda, just like my preteen daughter.  But they were the best of friends throughout her teenage, angst-filled years and Lacy always had a calming and (and comic) effect on us all during those times. 
I think though, that when I lost my job in 2007 and started working freelance from home, Lacy and I began a special relationship reserved for those who have begun to grow old together.  

She shivered in the cold, so I made her sweaters and she became my muse, the reason I wanted to start a pet wear business. She stood quietly as I fit harnesses and sweaters on her, some working, some not. She patiently accompanied me to pet events and posed for pictures with a demure over-the-shoulder glance and that same aloofness I found so charming. Together we developed products and in 2010, launched Lollypups Designer Petwear. She was always at my feet in the studio, I cooked her chicken and rice, and groomed her myself once she showed signs of stress going to the groomer.  We walked on the property in all seasons loving autumn and the falling leaves the best, lounged on a chaise together during the summer, felt the rekindling of spring and the new green grass. When it snowed, I shoveled a path so we could continue our walks.  


It snowed today and I hated that I didn't need to shovel a path for her.....I know in time the pain will subside somewhat but my love for this little being who just silently loved being with the family will never change. She was a good dog and life will never be the same without her. I tell myself to keep Lollypups going but I’ve lost half my heart, so I wonder how do I do that? Only time will tell I suppose.

Monday, September 2, 2013

I will always love you........RIP Lacy



This is a hard one to write. 
Lacy was my muse. She inspired Lollypups Petwear, and delighted all around her when we attended pet vendor events.  That was part of her function. And to look perpetually puppy-like, which she did with dignity, especially after I groomed her and she knew how pretty she looked. The other part was to just be loved by me  which was easy to do.
I always said we were growing old together and having the time of our lives now that I was home with her full time. Empty next syndrome never happened when my youngest daughter left for college because I had Lacy present in my life.

Sadly, my sweet girl passed away at 16 years and two months on August 20,2013 and I miss her terribly.
I miss how:
she patiently listened to me play my fiddle though I know being deaf made it easier for her to do so. 
I miss  her 'quarking' to go outside for a potty break.  (Sometimes my fiddling sounded like her quarking.  We both sounded silly and didn't care.)
I miss her sitting silently at my feet while I worked on new pieces for Lollypups, mostly inspired by her needs. 
I miss her tongue, that went on for days and would randomly kiss me wherever her head would rest. 
I miss cooking for her and leaving bowls of filtered water at various locations she would frequent around the house and yard so she never had to walk too far to quench her thirst.
I miss her laying on my bed when JL was off on business and how she patiently allowed him to move her to her own bed on the floor beside me,  when he returned.
I miss her laying on the couch after JL and I had dinner, sitting through The Sopranos, True Blood, Dexter or Breaking Bad.  Just having us all together at the days end was so precious, even though she slept through it all.
I miss when she was well and fiercely chased away the deer in the back yard, luckily, never catching one or when she had an attack of the zoomies in the playroom.  I mostly miss when she was well, period........

She was just not right around mid July.  Sometimes eating, sometimes not even though I cooked for her for months and she had been happy to eat what I made.  Watery stool, then firm. Restless, then asleep throughout the entire day. Sometimes disoriented and skittish.
Then the vomiting started.   I took her to the vet for a check up all the while sensing that I may be in denial that she was failing.  So selfish of me really.  She was moving so much slower due to arthritic joints but never showed any signs of pain. Her vision was failing as was her hearing. The diaper stayed on whenever she was in the house or we were visiting, all this I only attributed to her age. I began carrying her to the back yard for her potty breaks and hand feeding her because she wouldn't eat.  She was down to 8 pounds from 10 and 1/2, and I could feel her little spine sharply poking from beneath her skin. 
The vet examined her and told me Lacy still had some time left, in spite of a slight heart murmer.  She said to give her a quarter tablet of Pepcid AC to calm her nausea which was probably why she refused to eat.   She said that she would call me with the results of her blood test the next day.  So I left happy.

I gave her the quarter tablet, bought her organic beef and cooked it with fresh parsley (to calm her stomach) but she still refused to eat.  I figured it would take a couple days for the Pepcid to work.
The next day, I hand fed her tuna from my plate and that she did eat a bit of it, so I felt it was a good sign.  The vet called as promised and the news was grim.  Her kidneys were shutting down, was I ok with giving needles. She needed to have infusions of liquid (I don't remember what was in the iv bag) to insert under her skin so it would absorb into her body rather that her drinking and just peeing it out.
Of course I can do this, just show me how.  It looked easy when the vet tech showed me what to do.  I even did it myself with her there guiding me.  It was another story once I was on my own at home.
On day one, I was only able to get half the dose into her before she shook out the needle.  The next day the same thing.  On my 3rd try, she yelped and I realized this was just me being selfish again.  She can't get better so why was I putting her through this.  I brought her outside to pee and she walked slowly, stumbling a bit as her little legs gave way and she tried to hold herself up.  She turned her head and looked up at me with such sad eyes as if to say, "it's ok mom". I knew then that I had to give her up.  I can't go into the particulars of that day but it was time, there was not more denying it.  I brought her bed with us to the vet's and made sure she was comfortable. She was given a sedative and we held her and talked to her for as long as we could. When she was asleep, we had to leave.  I needed to feel the little flutter of her heart, that I was always so aware of when she was in my arms, did not stop while I was there. But that she was at rest and peaceful.

I packed up her things and will bring them to the shelter when I can bring myself to do so.  I kept Otto the stuffed dog I liked to call Lacy's "bedfellow",  and I stroke him every now and then as he lays beside my bed in the place once reserved for Lacy and I remember the softness of the 16 years I stroked her familiar white coat.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Ms. Lacy is retired, I'm sorry to say...........

The amazing Ms. Lacy, muse, mascot and major force behind the Lollypups brand, has decided it's time to hang up her rhinestone collar and spend the rest of her years lolling about in relaxation mode. I can't say that I blame her. All those sweater fittings on hot summer days, on and off again harness inventions, some working some not, events requiring her to prance about in the latest vests and matching leads, occasional red carpet appearances and oh the pupparazzi! She worked hard for the money for sure, always maintaining the aloof and sophisticated demeanor befitting a diva super model of her stature. Patiently allowing sniffing dogs and small children to lavish attention on her.
Now she sleeps well past eleven AM most mornings, saunters around her "spot" in the back yard for her morning constitutional, has her breakfast, and then naps for the rest of the day. Summer is here so she's apt to be found outdoors lying at my feet while I sketch the next new collection, and will make her usual obscene 'rowr rowr' and guttural sounds when I'm spending too much time inside the studio.

The newest dilemma for Ms. Lacy is her incontinence. Those diapers are so humiliating, I know, but necessary for a senior dog such as she. And talk about expensive!! She most certainly would benefit from a classy diaper cover for which I have, happily, almost perfected the pattern. She doesn't object if I try it on her now and again since in the end, it will eliminate the embarrassment of her "eliminating" on the carpets. Poor old gal. Inspiration came from the old fashioned "rubber pants" back in the days before Pampers. I used to put them on my baby brother over his cloth diaper, and remember how the elastic around the legs used to chafe his fat little thighs. So for sure I won't be doing that, however the material used was waterproof so with all the fabric selections at hand nowadays, there are plenty of chic options. Besides that, there's a growing trend toward cloth diapering for babies and I've been studying the options my daughter buys for 8 month old Dylan. For now, Lacy wears my first trial, which does the job but I still need to perfect the fit.

It's at a point in our lives where, although she has always been the ruler of the roost, I feel even more strongly that she have everything and anything she wants. She's earned it. Yes I feed her from the table, yes she sits on my lap while I work at the computer, yes I take her out every 15 minutes if she wants me to, and yes, she still comes up on the bed with me until JL comes in. I cook her chicken and rice with veggies thrown in, give her glucosamine and condroitin supplements and she still gets a soft, chewy treat whenever she pees outside. She doesn’t get scolded for peeing in the house. Why bother? She doesn’t know she’s doing it so she won’t connect what the scolding is about and frankly, I can't bring myself to do it anyway. I don’t want any negativity for her at this stage of her life.

Good dog, Lacy. I love you.



Friday, April 5, 2013

Spring Thaw happenings.............




Lacy and I have been holed away in the studio this past chilly March.  She,  warming herself in a fragment of sunlight that melts across her bed from the far windows, and I, wrapped in sweater, leggings, socks and Uggs with the electric space heater and its oscillating hum a few feet behind me.  The heat in the house is working fine, but the chill that's permeated my bones this winter, remains steadfast no matter what I do in my little space and so, the room stays at a womblike 72 degrees to compensate.  We took a trip to the vet for her Senior medical checkup and outside of a slight ear infection and 1/2 lb. drop in weight, the old gal is as feisty as ever, albeit a tad decelerated.  As am I.
After prepping for February’s Pet Fashion Week Gala which has come and gone, I've been affixed to the computer preparing new prints for my favorite knitwear company, and one to whom I owe a huge debt of gratitude for their continual confidence in my design  capabilities to keep me constantly engaged in projects. February was targeted toward an equestrian theme and my own confidence being what it is (or isn’t) I found this one a struggle.  Ideas were plentiful but just not working and my frustration was mounting. When I’d had enough, I'd flip channels and work on Lollypups, something that I always find gratifying and productive. With hours of Skype conferencing, and back and forth exchanges of ideas,  I was finally able to nail it . Very cute and very salable in colors for every season. 
There were sales of sweaters on etsy, as well as a custom request which was simple enough to have done in no time and send off to a very enthusiastic customer for the arrival of her new  teacup yorkie pup. 

Not something I will do again I think.  She asked that I follow Lollypups’ xxs sizing, which was done, only to tell me when she received it, that the sweater was too big for the tiny pup and that she was afraid he wouldn’t grow into it either.  But the style made can easily be altered by simply moving the buttons over.  I hope she does it.  I’d hate for her to have had to pay for something she’ll end up not using.  It's definitely not something I would ordinarily do,  (solid and simple is not my thing) but it was copied from a picture sent by the customer and the navy alpaca yarn she chose was beautiful. 
April weather is still chilly, though not as bad and I feel that my fingers are finally thawing out which is a good thing.  Fiddle has been on the back burner due to all the creative activity, and practice sessions were sparse since December. So I'm back to my daily practice routine in order to wake up sluggish fingers in time for Fiddle Camp, which is next week. I'm really looking forward to some "me" time now. 

Thursday, January 31, 2013

What a rollar coaster ride............

The NY Pet Fashion show is one week away and Lacy (mostly sleeping) and I (hobbling about on a bum knee) are two sights to behold as we try to complete preparations.  Seems we're both simpatico with our arthritic joints and other age related ailments.  Funny though that neither of us act our age (well not all day, every day).  I pranced around the city to attend the textile shows last week (paid dearly for that one, I must add) then off again this week to attend the NY Gift show, accompanied by my shopaholic sister Maggie.   
The eye candy is intoxicating at these events, and inspiration abounds.  Thank goodness, because last minute me, needed some embellishments and a couple of leashes to coordinate with the new harness vests.  No time to have them made by Edwin, my very capable resource unfortunately, but I did find a great resource who had a low minimum and so I was able to place an order for 3 designs that will work with the Winter Mitten red plaid, Really Rosey and the new Spring Linen design.

I spent time reworking patterns and made a couple more "Queen's Jewels" since I ran out of them at last year's event, Jewels are slightly different, prettier in my opinion and I also made a one of a kind 20's 
(sort of) harness with silk dupioni and velveteen burnout, inspired by my 
own 1920's burnout dress which I'll be wearing for the occasion. 

The design process has really taken hold and I've become driven again. I'm only sorry I don't have more time because once I get rolling, idea begets idea, and on and on and my brain is about to explode (in a good way).  

 I had to put Lollypups on the back burner to complete two freelance textile design assignments in December, and at first, didn't think I'd even want to do the event.  But frankly, I have such a good time and am so happy to be ensconced in pet creativity once again.  The DG expo is on Tuesday, more eye candy and hopefully new and exciting resources for baubles, tchotchkis and fabrics to keep this creative ball rolling.  Peter at B&A has hinted at another assignment in my future I'm happy to say, but for now, (as usual) I'm loving what's going on in the studio.  And Lacy.... well, she might not be coming to the event this year, but she still inspires.   The diaper cover design is almost complete. However, I do need a more acceptable name for it ..... especially for you old gal!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Gala prep once again

It's that time again......the Westminster Dog show takes place at Madison Square Garden in NYC on February 9, 2013 and Lollypups Designer Petwear will once again participate in the pre-show gala, now called the New York Pet Fashion Show, formerly the Pre-Westminster Fashion show on the evening of Feb.8th.  This year's theme is Roaring 20's and  happily, JL has graciously offered to help me with the table since Erika is on mommy duty and 18 month old Logan would have WAAAAYYYY too much fun running around, picking up and kissing all the pooches, preceding each kiss with a tender "awwwww". 
I will have a new  " table mate", Sally Anderson from Healing Jewelry for Pets www.healingjewelryforpets.com but Lacy will be unable to attend (see last blog) as I don't feel it's fair to pull her out of retirement.  When she isn't napping, (maybe for an hour or two in the late afternoon), she still allows me to try on the new harness vest styles that I'll be introducing at the show. I like to think she's still hands (paws) on in making this business work, but it's more that she's just too tired to move away from me.  Poor sweet girl.

I, on the other hand, literally feel her pain.  Right knee acted up again after walking around the garment district buying trims for the new styles then schlepping to the Texworld Show at the Javitts on Monday. JL had to run out the next day and buy me a cane or I would have been bedridden, a state of being that I completely dismiss.  It was a fancy leopard print one, not so much to ease my embarrassment at the need for a cane, but to ease his I think.  I did send him out to CVS with explicit instructions "..........not one of those ugly, old person canes please".  MRI scheduled for next Wednesday, so we'll see what transpires.

On a more upbeat note,  quite a few items sold in the past 6 weeks, thanks to my finally opening an Etsy shop.  (Artsy Dog had one sale, then they closed shop mid December).   Seems Etsy is the go to place for online buying (that and Amazon).  Sweaters went to customers in  NY, northern Florida and Colorado,
the latter, experiencing sub-zero temperatures, receiving hers in the nick of time! Happy to oblige the shivvering pooches, for sure.

So on the agenda, more "Queen's Jewels" are being made since there were requests for other sizes last year at the show,  the same being true for "Really Rosey".  Introducing Rosey Dot and a work in progress printed linen with a lace collar, cute and so very chic.  Still sourcing the lace collars and will hopefully have an embellishment picked for the Rosey Dot before the show.  Ria, I neeeeeeeeddddd you!!!

Still having fun in spite of the aching knee.