....ants in her pants....

Some things never change, especially mother-wisdoms, those pronouncements uttered throughout our childhood that helped to shape (or in my case misshape) who we will become as adults. I was Fidget Bridgette, Nervous Nancy, Squirmy Wormy, always  in a constant state of perpetual motion. Not so much physically hyper active, although ballet classes remedied that minor element of my kinetic behavior, but more overly stimulated mentally.

I needed to be doing something… at all times, every minute of the day.  I cut out movie actress paper dolls, tons of them, Liz Taylor, Doris Day, Grace Kelly, June Havoc, Ava Gardner, Loretta Young, Jane Powell...with blunt nosed scissors (there was no such thing as die cut paper doll clothing in those days), carefully arranging their ball gowns in one pile, daytime wear in another and accessories in another. 

Then it was on to building shoebox dwellings for my Ginny dolls, with embossed paper napkin curtains and bedspreads, their surfaces rubbed with crayons to produce the appearance of stylish jacquard fabrics.  

Books needed to be devoured (simply reading them and pondering their content was not on my nine year old radar). One year, I made a copious number of Indian bracelets with tiny seed beads on a loom my father brought back for me after a deer hunting trip.  He knew I hated that he hunted and killed deer, so he always brought home a bribe to appease me.   I actually enjoyed picking up any beads that spilled onto the floor and organizing them by color in their tiny plastic bags. Talk about anal retention!!!

Fast forward 59 years later, as I traveled faster than the speed of life to this point in time and  here I am with the same fidgety need to be continually occupied.  JL once told me, you don’t know HOW to relax and I thought long and hard about that.  Turned out…..he’s right. I could lay on the chaise lounge in our wooded and bucolic back yard with a book and a glass of wine and take great pleasure in breathing in the summer air……for 15 minutes at most.  Then it’s on to whatever project, undertaking or  obsession I was preoccupied with during those same 15 minutes,  which was never one thing but a combination of all my fixations: practicing my fiddle tunes, designing pet harnesses, creating textile designs, painting in watercolor, trying new art techniques, creating bits and pieces mosaics, perfecting my fashion illustration skills, obsessively watching photoshop and illustrator you tube tutorials.  

My head is in the constant state of imploding and I guess I must get off on it, sort of like the endorphin addiction felt by runners and manic exercise fanatics of which I was that too before my knees gave out)

All that being said,  I dont think I would want it any other way.  Do I achieve a lot?  Yes, over time, I feel I do.  Although I consider myself a jack of all trades and master of none, I have become more fulfilled and contented with those projects that I do take to their final stages even when it took months to do so. It used to be everything got torn up, ripped up, thrown out or stomped on in an irascible toddler tantrum….(and in keeping with my undiagnosed OCD and ADD personality) .  I’ve finally reached a point, albeit at a MUCH later stage of my life, where I can say yes, I DO know how to relax…..once a project is completed to my satisfaction, a tune can be fiddled without a mistake or sour note, those watercolor notebooks don’t look as bad as they first appeared, the textile designs are finally ready to submit to the client, a new art technique is fun to do and the results, actually pleasing. Call me Normal Norma…

Boomer musings.... and other oddities

In May, people chattered on and on about how beautiful the weather has been, and I observed smiles pasted goofily on the faces of neighbors walking dogs, shoppers, grocery store clerks and postal workers.  I am definitely not one to disagree with the emotion surrounding the warmth of the sun, the smell of the leaves unfurling on the trees, and the cacophony of pinks and fuchsias bursting from the boughs of weeping cherry, crab apple and Rose of Sharon trees.  We all went through a torturous winter and it had taken its toll on most to the point that it was the main topic of conversation for the better part of the month.  I noticed an ever-so-slight skip in the step of those around me going about their daily chores, feeding lawns, pulling out bushes murdered by the frigid temperatures and planting petunias and pansies.  Ah spring!!

Ginger is fed (15 seconds flat this morning) and she lets me know it's time to walk.  She's learned to sit (albeit with the nervous quiver of one impatient for a bathroom break) to allow me to fasten her harness and we're off.  Hello's, banalities and pleasantries are exchanged with neighbors as 9:30 AM rolls around and my leisurely morning routine continues out doors. To my amazement, spring's rebirth brought another birth which Ginger and I encountered along the sidewalk earlier this month. 

The newborn fawn was perfectly still when we came upon it and at first I was afraid it wasn't alive, being that it was in such an odd place, along side the sidewalk off a busy street.  As I would read later, fawns instinctively freeze when they sense danger which was exactly what she was doing, breathing slowly and not moving a muscle.  Ginger was oblivious but I was halted in my tracks, my first reaction being "what do I do???"  I felt I couldn't just continue on my way and ignore it nor could I pick it up and place it somewhere safe. I'd been told that a doe would abandon her fawn if she smells a human scent on it.  I would again read later that this is not true, and that she would simply lick the scent off  and move her baby to a safer location. 
A fit and trim female jogger approached and we stood discussing what to do.  Her first thought was whether or not to let nature take its course, and allow it to be food for a coyote. (huh?)  She then proceeded to tell me how she witnessed one attack an animal on her front lawn and felt that sometimes we, as humans, must accept nature's ways, and detach ourselves emotionally,  all the while snapping pictures with her iphone.  A sanitation man stopped by and seeing that the fawn was alive and well, placed two orange cones beside it.  We thanked him and she continued on about her love for animals, her dog (and all the dogs she's had in the past) her pet birds flying around the playroom of her house, their names and individual personalities (she seemed prone to go off topic and free associate) and finally, a proclamation of her belief in god (and disappointment that I did not). At the point that she began suggesting reading material for me, I politely told her Ginger was itching to continue on our walk and we parted ways. Happily, as we headed back home, I spotted mama doe peering from the woods a short distance behind where she left her baby and

I felt relieved, knowing she was still watching over her fawn and would return.  After giving birth, a doe will go off to feed, drink, and rest, so she can return hours later to feed her baby. Why she left it in plain sight in an area busy with cars and people passing by, I'll never know.  I checked on the baby every half hour that day, put up a sign telling passers by that it was OK , mama was close by and would be back for it. When I returned for the last time at about 4 in the afternoon, it was gone and I knew nature had taken its course in a way
that I could, as a human, remain emotionally attached as is my own nature.  
PS.....two days later, mama and baby were spotted walking in the woods along a stream...and all is as it should be. 

Boomer Musings

            I've given a lot of thought to this whole semi-retirement thing (I don't think an artist can ever really RETIRE...just maybe be a bit more selective as to how to spend each day.)  I've noticed a pattern in my routine lately and chalk it up to the fact that I no longer have to catch a train and be at an office so like an insolent and defiant teenager, I refuse to rise early and follow any customary schedule. And yet, here I am doing the same things each morning.

             7AM rolls around and because JL is an early riser, and I am no longer one,  he's up and brewing the coffee, jolting me awake with slamming cabinet doors, banging pots and general clattering around in the kitchen below.   He then dutifully brings up my coffee, setting it on the nightstand, and goes back down into his office to start writing.  If he's used the ceramic mug with a lid I had purchased in Chinatown some 25 years ago, then its contents will stay relatively warm while I start my first task of the day. Otherwise, it inevitably cools off as I get sidetracked , forcing me to get out of bed and nuke it in the microwave. 

              Today, the proper mug has been employed.   I'll reach for my ipad and through half closed eyes,  begin checking and deleting emails.  It's astounding the money I save by not opening messages from J.Crew, Kohls, Wayfair, Snapfish, Babies R Us,  Rue La La, Overstock.com, Michaels, Jo-Ann,
Walmart, Kmart and Petsmart.    However, I do draw the line at Anthropologie and stop to explore their current eye candy offerings.  Sidetrack #1, fifteen minutes of what to love but  NOT to buy. 

             Next up, Pinterest.  I'm amazed at the number of beautiful and interesting things I've pinned. 2.3K pins on 64 boards to be exact,  yet they have no purpose and I rarely ever return to look at what I so carefully and obsessively catalogued.  But I happily view these digital delights each morning and pin, like, follow and repin new ones..... on the off chance I actually WILL make that pearl statement necklace, or those embellished baby booties, or take inspiration from the dozens of watercolor sketches and actually start painting again.  Sidetrack #2,  fifteen minutes of mentally filing techniques to try....wet on wet, drybrush, pencil sketch, pen sketch, no sketch, direct watercolor sketch....

In all fairness (to myself) I do utilize  some pins for my textile design projects or Lollypups harness development.  However, I continue my old school mentality of visual stimulation being the best stimulation, and create actual physical boards that are in my face at all times, sometimes printing out an inspirational color combination or patterns from my pinterest boards. Sidetrack #3 time to get up and reheat that cold coffee.
                It's now 8AM, time for checking out the news which I return to bed, with newly heated coffee, to do. Ginger and I have become simpatico when it comes to lazy morning routines. She moves from her basket/bed on the floor and jumps up beside me. Never one to paw on the bed at dawn and beg for breakfast or to be taken out for a walk, bless her little canine heart,  she resumes her snoring and I resume tapping my ipad. Pop ups on the side of my news feed entice me to watch any videos that pertain to dogs.  Sidetrack #4, fifteen minutes of tearjerker rescues, reunited military and their dogs, Cesar Millan's latest success or failure, and segments of Animal Planet episodes.
                My newest scheduled practice thanks to Emily, the queen of organizing, is my personalized planner, a colorful, trendy and updated kind of filofax (for those who remember) with corny inspirational quotes at the top of each new month. Like "Aspire not to have more, but to BE more", or "Dream it, Wish it, Do it".  I've lived a life of 68 years and find this uninspiring and pretty useless, truth be told.    But in any case,  with pencil and cutesy stickers in hand (www.etsy.com/shop/3lbstudio) I prep the week with sticker reminders, notes, deadlines,  things to do, things to try to do, things to do that I didn’t do yesterday.  Obviously, I’m still attempting to get the hang of this so continue to rely first and foremost, on my good old iphone calendar.  

                8:30AM, I move from bed to kitchen table for breakfast, feeling that the day is off to a good start,  my head spinning with what productivity is ahead, as Ginger moves to the living room window, lays down on a sunny spot on the couch and resumes snoring.  

To Be Continued.......

Winter has wisked by and here we are in Spring.......NOT

So November being my last post does NOT mean I've been sitting around eating gelato, taking in a theater performance now and then, visiting museums, having regular spa days or, in short....living the luxurious life of a semi-retiree.  Though they are things I'd love to do, I have instead, been filling my days with an overabundance of:

1. Major dieting and gym workouts, resulting in 23 pounds less of me! My knees are rejoicing as is my husband.

2. Holiday lunacy that occurs annually through January with our extended mixed bag of Jewish, Atheist, Christian, Wiccan, Pagan family members....or as we encapsulate the season, Merry Melvin to one and all. 

3. Snow shoveling a path for Ginger's "constitutionals" since walking her has been out of the question and she doesn't want to anyway. The frozen ice around the windows began its annual dripping invasion onto our living room floor.  (No need for my complaining here, EVERYONE had these winter thorns to contend with)

Some good came out of it though. 1) I had enough pots to catch the drips and,  2) I was forced to stay inside and design and make more items for my etsy shop and the upcoming craft show venues. AND Lollypups sweater sales were brisk!! 

4. Trips to NYC for fabric shows, trim shopping, seminars and meeting with potential vendors...all very fruitful I'm happy to add in spite of the tumultuous weather on those days.

5. A little flurry of freelance textile work, always welcome no matter how busy I am. (so nice to get paid for my efforts now and then)

5a.....  Of course, an added monkey wrench tossed into February's activities was my clumsy left foot causing my hard working computer tower to topple over. The screen that displayed my Photoshop textile repeat turned to a pixilated jumble similar to a 1960's psychedelic light show at the Fillmore West. I frantically tried to back up folder after folder, all the while listening to it moan, and groan and crackle until its final death knell......black screen and silence!   So what's the best thing to do in a situation like this..........?

6. Abandon ship and head to FLORIDA for a much needed 16 day respite from the harsh winter climes, with Ginger in tow and surrounded by orchids, koi, palm trees and a jacuzzi!!!

7. March brought more snow but with it came a fabulous birthday weekend with family visits, big noisy Italian dinner, and ample commotion from above mentioned mixed bag  AND my delicious grand babies allowing me my fill of juicy jubbly kisses....well, not my fill but lots!!

8.  Mad weekend over and bed rest called for........SO ready for that gelato.