Lacy was my muse. She inspired Lollypups Petwear, and delighted all around her when we attended pet vendor events. That was part of her function. And to look perpetually puppy-like, which she did with dignity, especially after I groomed her and she knew how pretty she looked. The other part was to just be loved by me which was easy to do.
I always said we were growing old together and having the time of our lives now that I was home with her full time. Empty next syndrome never happened when my youngest daughter left for college because I had Lacy present in my life.
Sadly, my sweet girl passed away at 16 years and two months on August 20,2013 and I miss her terribly.
I miss how:
she patiently listened to me play my fiddle though I know being deaf
made it easier for her to do so. I miss her 'quarking' to go outside for a potty break. (Sometimes my fiddling sounded like her quarking. We both sounded silly and didn't care.)
I miss her sitting silently at my feet while I worked on new pieces for Lollypups, mostly inspired by her needs.
I miss her tongue, that went on for days and would randomly kiss me wherever her head would rest.
I miss cooking for her and leaving bowls of filtered water at various locations she would frequent around the house and yard so she never had to walk too far to quench her thirst.
I miss her laying on my bed when JL was off on business and how she patiently allowed him to move her to her own bed on the floor beside me, when he returned.
I miss her laying on the couch after JL and I had dinner, sitting through The Sopranos, True Blood, Dexter or Breaking Bad. Just having us all together at the days end was so precious, even though she slept through it all.
I miss when she was well and fiercely chased away the deer in the back yard, luckily, never catching one or when she had an attack of the zoomies in the playroom. I mostly miss when she was well, period........
She was just not right around mid July. Sometimes eating, sometimes not even though I cooked for her for months and she had been happy to eat what I made. Watery stool, then firm. Restless, then asleep throughout the entire day. Sometimes disoriented and skittish.
Then the vomiting started. I took her to the vet for a check up all the while sensing that I may be in denial that she was failing. So selfish of me really. She was moving so much slower due to arthritic joints but never showed any signs of pain. Her vision was failing as was her hearing. The diaper stayed on whenever she was in the house or we were visiting, all this I only attributed to her age. I began carrying her to the back yard for her potty breaks and hand feeding her because she wouldn't eat. She was down to 8 pounds from 10 and 1/2, and I could feel her little spine sharply poking from beneath her skin.
The vet examined her and told me Lacy still had some time left, in spite of a slight heart murmer. She said to give her a quarter tablet of Pepcid AC to calm her nausea which was probably why she refused to eat. She said that she would call me with the results of her blood test the next day. So I left happy.I gave her the quarter tablet, bought her organic beef and cooked it with fresh parsley (to calm her stomach) but she still refused to eat. I figured it would take a couple days for the Pepcid to work.
The next day, I hand fed her tuna from my plate and that she did eat a bit of it, so I felt it was a good sign. The vet called as promised and the news was grim. Her kidneys were shutting down, was I ok with giving needles. She needed to have infusions of liquid (I don't remember what was in the iv bag) to insert under her skin so it would absorb into her body rather that her drinking and just peeing it out.
Of course I can do this, just show me how. It looked easy when the vet tech showed me what to do. I even did it myself with her there guiding me. It was another story once I was on my own at home.
On day one, I was only able to get half the dose into her before she shook out the needle. The next day the same thing. On my 3rd try, she yelped and I realized this was just me being selfish again. She can't get better so why was I putting her through this. I brought her outside to pee and she walked slowly, stumbling a bit as her little legs gave way and she tried to hold herself up. She turned her head and looked up at me with such sad eyes as if to say, "it's ok mom". I knew then that I had to give her up. I can't go into the particulars of that day but it was time, there was not more denying it. I brought her bed with us to the vet's and made sure she was comfortable. She was given a sedative and we held her and talked to her for as long as we could. When she was asleep, we had to leave. I needed to feel the little flutter of her heart, that I was always so aware of when she was in my arms, did not stop while I was there. But that she was at rest and peaceful.
I packed up her things and will bring them to the shelter when I can bring myself to do so. I kept Otto the stuffed dog I liked to call Lacy's "bedfellow", and I stroke him every now and then as he lays beside my bed in the place once reserved for Lacy and I remember the softness of the 16 years I stroked her familiar white coat.
