.....end of the road musings

So Lollypups hit the ripe old age of 14 from the day-one decision to embark on this entrepreneurial endeavor, to the present time- March 31, 2023 and another notch added (thankfully) to my "golden years".  As I look back at past blog posts,  I'm amazed at what went on during those 14 years: the research process, the designing, the successes and failures of those designs, the pitfalls and the frustrations of starting something from scratch,of dealing with vendors who, understandably,  had little time or use for small businesses, all of this,  with absolutely no foresight into how I would pull it off.  That's exactly what made the whole thing so exhilarating.  From start to finish, I never knew what would happen, always struggling to make the right decisions during an economic recession and the rising costs of material and failing miserably. Then onto a Covid 19 pandemic screeching everything to a halt and yet,  learning perserverance in spite of drawbacks. 

Here's what I can now take away from evaluating this enduring experience.  I am, I know, basically an upbeat person yet I also know, I have been apprehensive and basically lacking in self confidence all my life. A true sufferer of  "imposter syndrome".   For me to have pulled this off to the extent that I did, is nothing short of miraculous.  Now, that being said, I am no Donna Karen or Martha Stewart, or female CEO of a million dollar company.  In fact, I really don't think I set out to change the world of dogdom with my designs or to make my fortune.  I did however, bring a bit of laughter, joy and smiles to dog people across the country. Whatever profits I made went back into the business or to pet shelters and adoption events.  I took no salary other than treating myself on only two occasions, to craft show jewelry purchases.  So my modicum of success was really to my satisfaction, because it allowed my fragile ego to gain strength in knowing that I pulled it off in my own way. Do I miss it?  Sometimes yes, but mostly, I'm devoting myself to creating art..... something this "imposter" never had the courage to pursue wholehartedly but with the burning desire to do so.  So, there's that little success. 

There were many changes in my life over those entrepreneurial years.  Travel, grand babies, downsizing from my home of 21 years, being at peace with a life filled with many downs but still more ups. This business plopped me in a terrain of happy hustling, absorbing information, honing skills, developing friendships and, with each new experience, the freeing aspect of not having to answer to anyone but myself.  I never once thought of retirement;  sitting around reminiscing about the good old days, or feeling bad about my wrinkling skin and poor eyesight, or my arthritic knees and hands detering me from doing anything I set my mind to do.

Who is this person??? No longer filled with self doubt but walking with a slight skip in her step (when not limping)  and a smile on her face.  Talking to every dog that passes by and greeting every person they're strolling with. Thank you Lollypups Petwear for a job well done keeping this old gal sane, and Etsy, for making selling and shipping painless.   And
to that imposter.....I bid you a fond goodbye. 

.....and so begins my 70th year........foot note: make that 75th

foot note: I never published this and close to 5 years has passed since writing it.  It is Februaary, 2022 . I still fiddle badly, create petwear and pattern designs, no longer sell the latter and have added another grandchild to my love bug crew.

This is to be a post of musings about life....specifically and egomaniacally....mine. Sort of a self indulgent time capsule.   I am turning 70 in March, so I've earned it, especially because for most of my life, I remained comfortably anonymous, tucked away in my own introverted and circumspect world, tiptoeing into creative endeavors then pulling a secret cloak over my head lest someone notices and reacts negatively. That too is changing........
I reflect on my 6th decade, now coming to a close, and marvel at the considerable amount of achievements and self fulfillment, of my own doing,  that I experienced during this time.
I lost my job 8 months after my 60th birthday and took a year and severance money to travel and brood, not really concerned about what I would be doing once I went on a quest to find new and gainful employment. I was always able to find a job in the past, given my background and experience in the fashion world and never having to contend with ageism until now.  That was 2007,  Obama would become our 44th President with promises of jobs for the unemployed but at 60, for me, that wasn't going to happen.  I don't blame him for my misfortune. (Other things maybe, but MY lot in life was my own responsibility...and its solution, mine alone.)  
I knew if I wanted to continue in the fashion world I had to compete, and CAD design was something I had dabbled in but never fully learned how to use because I never had to in my job as color coordinator. I decided I wanted to get back to my textile design roots and create prints and graphics with Photoshop so I bought a book on textile and fashion design for Photoshop, opened to page 1, and began teaching myself literally, page by page.  
It was the second time I made up my mind that there would be nothing stopping me from learning a skill.  The first time was a few months prior when I decided to learn how to play the violin.  In both cases I repeated the mantra "I will suck, but not forever" and so I floundered and cringed through shrill sour notes on my $50.00 Chinese violin, (which actually sounded better than my feeble attempt to play it) and took many a deep breath and re-read my Photoshop book, underlining and highlighting each sentence until the pages were rainbow hued in yellows, hot pinks, and phosphorescent blues.  When I got the gist of the program, I managed to eke out some decent design samples and layouts and so, 6 months later, with portfolio in hand, off I went to employment services and temp agencies, and onto job interviews and freelance assignments.   Disasters all!!  
I would walk into a room and watch the faces of the interviewers I'd meet sink with disappointment once they saw I was not a fresh faced college grad.  Or I'd be hired for a freelance assignment , only to, in my inexperience and funeral pace, take way too long to complete the task. So the assignment would abruptly end and I'd never hear from the agency again.  
My fiddle experience was not much better, but I plowed along in my adult beginner Suzuki class with other scratchy beginners.  We sounded awful but had fun knowing that we all sucked and didn't care. It was a very telling year for the creative me, filled with frustration which made way to anger, which made way to determination, which finally, made way to pure joy!! Also, the realization that I will never be good at classical violin, given my time restraints and the arthritis slowly creeping into my hands, so why not try a more forgiving style of music,  one that I've seen fiddlers older than me play with grace and gusto. I began studying Irish music....Jigs, airs, strathspeys, reels, hornpipes. Fast forward 10 years later, and I can tell myself that I no longer suck with some modicum of self confidence.........I'm not ready to join a band (nor do I see doing so in my future) and feel I still have a long way to go, but the screeching has subsided and I've managed to hit those sweet spots that bring a smile to my face more often then not. I've even sat in on a couple of open sessions at Dempsey's, an Irish pub in lower NYC (only to have it close once I actually had enough courage to do so again) But, mission accomplished and I look forward to playing a bit of bluegrass with other slow jammers nearby.   
In the same way time and unflagging patience has given me music, so have I mastered my design skills on the computer and am actually working and getting paid for designing once again.  Even when I was hand painting textile designs back before Computer Aided Design took over the fashion world, my confidence was at a minimum and I felt like a fraud during my studio days and the time I spent at Carole Little.  I look at it differently now, as I approach all art.  It is all experimental.  What starts out one way....as an idea, a concept, a motif, a color combination......can and will most likely blossom into something totally unexpected and so that's how I approach designing. In my next decade, as long as there is one and for as long as I am able, I'll create art using this approach and create music safe in the knowledge that I don't sound so bad after 10 years of perseverance. Imagine....I look forward to checking back to this blog and reading over this time capsule.  Who knows what delight is to come? 

LOLLYPUPS IS STILL ALIVE AND SWELL (FROM 2021 TO 2022)

 It's June 1,2021 and Lollypups Designer Petwear is still alive and well. Last post of 2018 indicated a bit of a lull in blogging, vendor events and business in general for the simple reason that life gets to take precedence from time to time. Travel to Finland, Denmark, Helsinki and Estonia were amazing experiences in 2018 and I could go on for days with that experience. But then on to Scotland in 2019, where I decided to adopt Edenburgh and Glasgow, the people and the culture of Great Britain as my new home away from home, and vowed to go back to see the castles, seaside towns, Highland Coos and numerous pubs I had missed during this whirlwind excersion. 

It was the most magical and beautiful place imaginable and the people made it feel like I was among jovial family members.  I even got sufficiently inebriated to go into a pub and attempt to fiddle along with the back room musicians,  Unsuccessfully, I admit, though they were kind and gracious in their attempts to egg me on.  

The trip was not without petwear inspiration either.  I happily discovered a local fabric shop and purchased  a few yards of authentic Scottish plaids.

Finland and Helsinki artiness 

Then,  after 21 years in our beautiful home it came time to ease our lives a bit and downsize what was accumulated over that time period because it was no longer relevant in our 70 year old lives.  Four bedrooms of furniture, tchotchies, books, (tons of books) vintage clothing and shoes, studio furniture, art studio equipment, easel, dressers, giant office desk where JL had written many a script and signed many a deal;  handpainted curio cabinet;  heavy wooden kitchen farm table; iron chandelier, sofas,  armoire, antique iron and brass bed we bought for our very first house 45 years prior, garden and patio furniture and tons of stuff just stored away in the attic and cellar and not touched in those 21 years.  The children's doll house I lovingly built for my first born, complete with lighting, wooden plank floors and furnished in 1920's oak which travelled to California and back 3 times, then  remodeled  for my second born 12 years later.. Tons of toys both old and new,  that were spread across the playroom floor when the grands came to visit.  Vintage clothing I had collected through my 20s, 30's, 40's and 50's that fit me through all 4 decades until  I was vintage myself and they emphasized that point unapologetically.  How I loved the shoes, finding some from the 30's and 40's in pristine condition and still in their boxes over many years. My arthritic knees could no longer bear the brunt of 3 and 4 inch heels for quite a while, but I couldn't bear to get rid of them in the hopes that one day I'd be miraculously cured or get the knee replacement I so dreaded. 

And so it goes. It's all good really. We had a new grandbaby added to our growing family, just before the pandemic of 2020 closed down everybody's lives.  We were able to be there for my daughters' 

delivery so were very grateful for that.  Then came all the chaos of trying to figure out how my daughters would cope with homeschooling while working from home. Helping when I could and when I was permitted.

Lollypups remained on the back of the burner somewhat while we sorted it all out but I did manage not to waste that Scotland inspiration and developed the Bonnie Lass and Highland Hound harness vests. Business and development has picked up I'm happy to say, and after 11 years I think Lollypups will keep on pampering pups across the globe for a bit longer.  After all, smiles and giggles are a healing force during pandemics and such.  .....to be continued...........

Time passes at the speed of a hummingbird's wings

So it is now January 2018 and I've noticed a pattern in my Lollypups Petwear blogging endeavors. They started out as monthly entries, filled with excited business discoveries or pathetic failures and  became woefully diminished to only one a year!!  Yikes.  Proof that things are definitely winding down even as life itself is moving ahead at breakneck speed. Doing less craft events in 2017 has paid off as far as my sanity and torturous booth set-up anguish, but naturally not as far as my bank account, although etsy sales have been moderately productive. I never set out to be the female counterpart to Jeff Bezos in the pet apparel métier so the fact that Lollypups consistantly earns enough in the 7 years we've been in existence,  to keep the enterprise going without relying on loans (or dipping into our personal bank account),  seems a satisfactory achievement for someone who never had an entrepreneurial bone in her body.  I've turned 70, earned another grand baby (that makes 4) still fiddle badly but who cares, bicker with my husband about whether to let Ginger sleep on the bed or not, and have tapered off creating textile designs with the intent getting back into painting in this the start of my 71st year. 

So what to do at the dawn of a snowy, frigid 2018?.......purge and organize my studio in an attempt to eliminate any chance of a guest appearance on an episode of "Hoarders".    First time I've seen the top of my drawing table in a year!!
I became  uber-inspired to paint once again following a spectacular jaunt to the Amalfi coast of Italy in mid-October, and sparked by some 367 photographs taken. So that, and coming up with a new collection of vests and leashes will keep my creative juices juiced. Already on the Lollypups drawing board, some updated recycled denim harnesses which had sold out rapidly last year. And I'm in talks with a local vendor about creating more sweaters in Peru, though sadly, not alpaca, but equally vivid in color, comfort and warmth. So stay tuned.

One of the most peaceful days spent in the warm Amalfi Sun

Amalfi terrace

Ginger has been having an exceptionally stellar life herself,  and I just love her to pieces.  I've never seen a smarter dog and that being said, a more mischievous one. Stealing hors d'oeuvres from off the cocktail table for the first time last night!!  She's also started to stand by the kitchen door when she needs a potty break, although, only if I'm in the kitchen so I have to pay close attention to her movements at all times.  Today I let her outside and she pooped in record time (the biting cold had a lot to do with that) but I knew she hadn't peed since she woke up this morning.  As she ran back to the door to be let in, I said, "no, you didn't pee pee yet" and low and behold, the little genius turns and runs back to her spot, circles twice and pees on demand. Am I  ready to remove the wee wee pads from the bathroom floor yet??? Only time will tell.

Good girl Ginger, this looks to be another interesting year!

Getting the hang of vendor events ....

It's October and as always, the smell of the air;  semi-crisp, turning-leaf-deliciousness,  introduces yet another autumn to the lower Hudson Valley.  With it continues the assortment of craft fairs, flea markets and pop up shops hoping to take advantage of the cooler climes and potential shoppers getting a jump on holiday gift giving .  I've learned since joining the deluge of craft vendors back in 2011 with my Lollypups Petwear offerings, that my best customer is the devoted dog lover/pet parent and they can be found, en masse, at pet events with names like Puptoberfest, Petpalooza, Hounds on the Sound, Mystic Krew of Barkus, Bark in the Park. NY Pet Fashion Week, of which I was a participant over the years.  It did take a period of trial and error, kind of a sledgehammer to the head realization, to conclude that non-pet events were a waste of time and to exclude them going forward. The pet events are always for a good cause too, and those attending like the idea that part of my proceeds is going toward pet adoptions, or running a no kill shelter. However, that being said,

My summer 2016 vendor experience was a bust because: 
a) torrential rain is not conducive to foot traffic
b) potential shower forecast is not conducive to foot traffic
c) farmer's markets aren't craft fairs
d) some craft fairs don't allow dogs

....hence, my aforementioned conclusion.

So starting fresh in the fall has produced 3 events for dogs, about dogs, FILLED with dogs, and attended by like minded dog lovers who truly appreciate what I create for their fur babies. I look forward to seeing all the pets sashay and strut with their proud mamas and papas and am happy to hear their stories, especially when they say their pets are rescues.  Sales soar at these events.   A customer can try a harness vest or sweater on their pet rather than just guess if it will fit, and that, more times than not, generates a sale.  I do have photographs of various dogs hanging in funky frames around the booth,that can be referred to for breed,  weight, size etc. which works often too.

Although, in the past, my concentration was on smaller dogs up to 20 pounds, I decided this year to start supplementing my handmade offerings, , with a small assortment of items for bigger dogs as well. Through the NY Now gift show this summer, I was able to add a few leashes, collars, toys, pet themed totes and charms and spa products, purchased at low minimums, to try out. So far, its proven to be a good move.

So having a small business is a continuous, ongoing learning process and sometimes, it takes several tries to recognize what works and what doesn't.  I still love what I do, the process, the designing, the people and dogs I meet. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this vendor part of the business, but while I have the determination and energy to make it work, I'm still loving the ride. Happy Fall!!

....ants in her pants....

Some things never change, especially mother-wisdoms, those pronouncements uttered throughout our childhood that helped to shape (or in my case misshape) who we will become as adults. I was Fidget Bridgette, Nervous Nancy, Squirmy Wormy, always  in a constant state of perpetual motion. Not so much physically hyper active, although ballet classes remedied that minor element of my kinetic behavior, but more overly stimulated mentally.

I needed to be doing something… at all times, every minute of the day.  I cut out movie actress paper dolls, tons of them, Liz Taylor, Doris Day, Grace Kelly, June Havoc, Ava Gardner, Loretta Young, Jane Powell...with blunt nosed scissors (there was no such thing as die cut paper doll clothing in those days), carefully arranging their ball gowns in one pile, daytime wear in another and accessories in another. 

Then it was on to building shoebox dwellings for my Ginny dolls, with embossed paper napkin curtains and bedspreads, their surfaces rubbed with crayons to produce the appearance of stylish jacquard fabrics.  

Books needed to be devoured (simply reading them and pondering their content was not on my nine year old radar). One year, I made a copious number of Indian bracelets with tiny seed beads on a loom my father brought back for me after a deer hunting trip.  He knew I hated that he hunted and killed deer, so he always brought home a bribe to appease me.   I actually enjoyed picking up any beads that spilled onto the floor and organizing them by color in their tiny plastic bags. Talk about anal retention!!!

Fast forward 59 years later, as I traveled faster than the speed of life to this point in time and  here I am with the same fidgety need to be continually occupied.  JL once told me, you don’t know HOW to relax and I thought long and hard about that.  Turned out…..he’s right. I could lay on the chaise lounge in our wooded and bucolic back yard with a book and a glass of wine and take great pleasure in breathing in the summer air……for 15 minutes at most.  Then it’s on to whatever project, undertaking or  obsession I was preoccupied with during those same 15 minutes,  which was never one thing but a combination of all my fixations: practicing my fiddle tunes, designing pet harnesses, creating textile designs, painting in watercolor, trying new art techniques, creating bits and pieces mosaics, perfecting my fashion illustration skills, obsessively watching photoshop and illustrator you tube tutorials.  

My head is in the constant state of imploding and I guess I must get off on it, sort of like the endorphin addiction felt by runners and manic exercise fanatics of which I was that too before my knees gave out)

All that being said,  I dont think I would want it any other way.  Do I achieve a lot?  Yes, over time, I feel I do.  Although I consider myself a jack of all trades and master of none, I have become more fulfilled and contented with those projects that I do take to their final stages even when it took months to do so. It used to be everything got torn up, ripped up, thrown out or stomped on in an irascible toddler tantrum….(and in keeping with my undiagnosed OCD and ADD personality) .  I’ve finally reached a point, albeit at a MUCH later stage of my life, where I can say yes, I DO know how to relax…..once a project is completed to my satisfaction, a tune can be fiddled without a mistake or sour note, those watercolor notebooks don’t look as bad as they first appeared, the textile designs are finally ready to submit to the client, a new art technique is fun to do and the results, actually pleasing. Call me Normal Norma…

Boomer musings.... and other oddities

In May, people chattered on and on about how beautiful the weather has been, and I observed smiles pasted goofily on the faces of neighbors walking dogs, shoppers, grocery store clerks and postal workers.  I am definitely not one to disagree with the emotion surrounding the warmth of the sun, the smell of the leaves unfurling on the trees, and the cacophony of pinks and fuchsias bursting from the boughs of weeping cherry, crab apple and Rose of Sharon trees.  We all went through a torturous winter and it had taken its toll on most to the point that it was the main topic of conversation for the better part of the month.  I noticed an ever-so-slight skip in the step of those around me going about their daily chores, feeding lawns, pulling out bushes murdered by the frigid temperatures and planting petunias and pansies.  Ah spring!!

Ginger is fed (15 seconds flat this morning) and she lets me know it's time to walk.  She's learned to sit (albeit with the nervous quiver of one impatient for a bathroom break) to allow me to fasten her harness and we're off.  Hello's, banalities and pleasantries are exchanged with neighbors as 9:30 AM rolls around and my leisurely morning routine continues out doors. To my amazement, spring's rebirth brought another birth which Ginger and I encountered along the sidewalk earlier this month. 

The newborn fawn was perfectly still when we came upon it and at first I was afraid it wasn't alive, being that it was in such an odd place, along side the sidewalk off a busy street.  As I would read later, fawns instinctively freeze when they sense danger which was exactly what she was doing, breathing slowly and not moving a muscle.  Ginger was oblivious but I was halted in my tracks, my first reaction being "what do I do???"  I felt I couldn't just continue on my way and ignore it nor could I pick it up and place it somewhere safe. I'd been told that a doe would abandon her fawn if she smells a human scent on it.  I would again read later that this is not true, and that she would simply lick the scent off  and move her baby to a safer location. 
A fit and trim female jogger approached and we stood discussing what to do.  Her first thought was whether or not to let nature take its course, and allow it to be food for a coyote. (huh?)  She then proceeded to tell me how she witnessed one attack an animal on her front lawn and felt that sometimes we, as humans, must accept nature's ways, and detach ourselves emotionally,  all the while snapping pictures with her iphone.  A sanitation man stopped by and seeing that the fawn was alive and well, placed two orange cones beside it.  We thanked him and she continued on about her love for animals, her dog (and all the dogs she's had in the past) her pet birds flying around the playroom of her house, their names and individual personalities (she seemed prone to go off topic and free associate) and finally, a proclamation of her belief in god (and disappointment that I did not). At the point that she began suggesting reading material for me, I politely told her Ginger was itching to continue on our walk and we parted ways. Happily, as we headed back home, I spotted mama doe peering from the woods a short distance behind where she left her baby and

I felt relieved, knowing she was still watching over her fawn and would return.  After giving birth, a doe will go off to feed, drink, and rest, so she can return hours later to feed her baby. Why she left it in plain sight in an area busy with cars and people passing by, I'll never know.  I checked on the baby every half hour that day, put up a sign telling passers by that it was OK , mama was close by and would be back for it. When I returned for the last time at about 4 in the afternoon, it was gone and I knew nature had taken its course in a way
that I could, as a human, remain emotionally attached as is my own nature.  
PS.....two days later, mama and baby were spotted walking in the woods along a stream...and all is as it should be.