All I can say is .......whoa what a ride!!!

The last couple of weeks as a deaf invalid were definitely NOT the high points I imagined for July's end. My viral infection cleared up ok thanks to antibiotics but my ears have not.  (question: which is worse, not being able to speak or not being able to hear?.....)  However,  I had no problem hearing myself bark like an old woman....Heh???.....what???....WHAT??? How truly annoying absolute silence is!  I remember when I relished my "quiet time" only to realize, now, that it was never TRULY quiet. Next step, steroids for 6 days. ENT doc says that should do the trick and I have no choice but to believe the end is at hand,  lest my head explode in silent frustration.  Happily I did attend an outdoor jazz concert at Lyndhurst with friends this past thursday. My first night out in two weeks!   I'm told the band was so bad deafness would have been a blessing to all who attended.  I count myself lucky on that one.

I've been getting as many harnesses and leashes finished as I can in preparation for the upcoming vendor events in September and October,   but am having a hell of a time with the male pattern for the Halloween concept.  Notched collars are way more complicated than I figured on.  I'll get there I'm sure, it's just another minor frustration to add to my deafness, my inability to adopt a dog, and our missed opportunity to spend a weekend with my daughter, son-in-law and grandbaby at a beautiful lake house.  

I've been working on some more creative concepts for the vendor booth too. I feel with these two coming up, I'd like a snazzy set up to attract more customers.  One is a pet event so that's a captive audience anyway,  but the other is a big, high end crafts event at the Berkshire Botanical Gardens ....classy but no dogs allowed.  I think the more attractive the display, the more chance I have at being noticed.  So I made flags to drape in the front and cut out funky frames for the dog portraits. (two more to go)   Ofcourse the sweaters hanging on the grids at the front always attract attention but I want people to meander inside too.  I found a great idea that I'd like to try for hanging light weight shelves made of foam core board and hung from the ceiling with cord.  That way the harnesses will be displayed at different levels rather than crowded on a table and I also have that great chartreuse hat rack I bought some years ago to hang scarves, or leashes . note to self: remember to pack the mirror this time :(

Wish I had a funky chandelier too  but who knows, maybe something will turn up. 
So very glad to be back on track!!

Germ Factory at it again.....

...and so it goes.....again, the best laid plans get a monkey wrench tossed into the works.  A severe throat and ear infection has had me laid up for the past week and no end in sight, though after yesterday's doctor visit (quote:  "oh, those ears look very unhappy") I am now on antibiotics and ear drops.  Still can't hear but happily, I can talk once again.

In the mornings, I managed to finish some more harnesses and leashes in preparation for the upcoming vendor events, though it felt as if I was performing each task wearing a football helmet laden with iron pellets. I was accepted into the Hudson Valley Etsy Team https://www.facebook.com/hudsonvalleyetsyteam which thus far, has been very informative and I even signed up for a new event called "Puptoberfest" http://www.ehrdogs.org/info/display?PageID=12113 to take place September 20th, at Horseshoe Lake in Succasunna, NJ which was recommended by a fellow team member. Something I had no idea about. It is run by an adoption organization called "Eleventh Hour Rescue" and I'm told good things about it.
I feel being included in this team is just the thing I need to get me out of isolation mode, which can so often happen, being the sole employee in a small business. Great comraderie so far, and likes, tweets, tags and pins are very important I'm told, in the social media rich business world.  So Puptoberfest in September, and Octoberfest in Stockbridge in October, should satisfy my craft fair itch for 2014.  New baby due early October, will take care of the rest of the year. :)

My focus now is on the upcoming holidays and realize that pet lovers like to celebrate with their pets.  Without changing the Lollypups philosophy of "dogs deserve dignity", I am making refined autumn garments with a Halloween feel without resorting to "hot dog" or "Yoda" costumes.  Most of those little beings look soooooo unhappy and "undignified".  

I'm loving the way the Halloween Chic harness vest and leash are coming out though.  I'll be listing this one shortly on https://www.etsy.com/shop/Lollypups?ref=si_shop and on the LP website. Also working on another option without the ruffles and center hook and eye trim.  It would be a bit more male oriented, and the idea of making my own buttons with vintage Halloween images and resin domes is more and more appealing considering each one I sourced costs $9.00 (yikes).  I already have the bezels and can easily attach a shank with resin as I was advised by the YouTube tutorials out there.
Next on the menu, a rain slicker (though laminated fabric is rather summery but could work). Also in the works, a  sweet little fringed number similar to the Winter Mittens style in a subtly textured forest green wool.  I'm sourcing different embellishments but I would LOVE to find those adorable felt "winter" mittens in white and white mittens would make the style look new and fresh. Something will turn up I'm sure and once I'm all healed, I'll be making my trek into the city to search for new things.  I missed the Texworld expo and the Fashion Mfg Showcase expo at FIT last week which really bummed me out, but the D&G expo is the first week of August and that one is the one I prefer for fabric, embellishment and trim resources.  

I've been actively sending in adoption forms all over the place, inquiring about adoptees from Pets Alive, Petfinder, Adopt a pet, Allpaws, Bichon Frise rescue, Best friends animal Society, North Shore Animal League, the list goes on and on.  Laying in bed with an ipad has its upside..... I found several sweeties I would have loved only to be told that they were already adopted.  Good for them but disappointing for me. Somewhere out there, I know she's waiting for me to find her so the hunt will continue as long as it takes, since I've definitely reached a milestone in my desire to parent another dog.  A good thing for sure. Although Lacy still has my heart and I still tear up thinking about her, I know it's time. 

It's July already and travel has kept me more than busy. There was a trip to California, and free 

Rece, doing what she does best

Maple Street shopping

accomodations at an apartment on the beach. Lovely.  My only chore and price to pay,  feeding the fattest cat in Santa Monica, Rece, with the most demanding "meow" I've ever encountered. Never had to clean out a litter box either so that was a new experience for this non-cat person. There were old friends to see, movie screening and appearances for Jeff, and an unexpected tour of Tippi Hedren's Shambala Preserve.  What an interesting and gracious woman she is, talk about a cat person!! and still beautiful at 84 years old!!! 

Beautiful as always.  My hero!

The other chore... relaxing....yes, it does seem to be a chore for my kinetic brain and body. ADHD for sure.I did shop the downtown garment district. 
I hadn't been there since my Carole Little days in the '90's, but was unable to find anything worth while for Lollypups. We did find two $7.00 thick covers for our new iphone 5s phones (cost: $35.00 in the apple store) so we left downtown mildly happy.

Tippi gives Zeus a neck rub

Liebo lives!!! 

I did the Hudson Valley Etsy Team craft fair in Fishkill, NY on the first of June and the day was sublime. Warm, dry, just a hint of a breeze to cool things off. Jeff asks me each time I do these things, "you DO like doing this right?" While I have the energy to continue creating and making new designs and new products, and setting up an eye catching booth to display them in, the answer is an easy YES. This time around, I discovered some tall, white metal shelving laying in our storage room, dusted in cobwebs. Perfect to set upright against the poles of the tent and to hang the garments on (thanks to the craft fair pin boards on Pinterest) It worked like a charm and looked great.  Made a good number of sales too, considering it wasn't a pet event and I made some new canine friends as well.   Even had a paid customer return 5 minutes later to buy a sweater! So, I'm looking into doing at least two shows in the summer, if possible and have already signed on to do the Harvest Festival at the Berkshire Botanical Gardens again this October 11-12.  
In the meanwhile, materials and new fabric are starting to trickle in so I'm busy deciding which to use for which styles in the new collection,  and playing with the pattern drop function in Illustrator, which makes the task so easy peasy.  (I love this part!!)  Still trying to find a resource for a heavier weight 5/8" polypropylene webbing for the leashes, at a reasonable price. What I bought previously, was OK but lacked the heft that I prefer.  There's a D&G expo coming up again in August which could prove helpful, so for now, I'll concentrate on making the new styles for the harness collection and leave the leashes for later on.   
And last, but truly not least.....I made a visit to the shelter after months of staying away and didn't cry.  
Big accomplishment for this blithering bag of emotion I'd say.  Still not ready to adopt, but I'm thinking more and more about fostering a senior (partial to those as always).  We'll see.  Meanwhile, it's back to business and a joyous life filled with babies ( new one due in October), beaches, and best buds sharing our annual 4th of July picnic on the Hudson. Weather permitting of course and still missing Lacy.  Happy Birthday America!! 

Back on the planet and back to work........

          There is no explanation for my lack of motivation over the last six months, other than the despair I've felt over the loss of my sweet Bichon, Lacy back in August.  Never did I expect to "fall off the planet" so to speak, having always been the stoic, take charge, full steam ahead, ADHD type personality.  But this truly threw me for a loop.  

          How did I spend those six months?  I didn't expect to function normally for at least two of them which proved to be true.  Walks on the property without her just caused more sadness so that was eliminated from my mornings. Shoveling a path in the snow for her no longer needed to be done and I actually resented that. Trips to the shelter only caused me to blubber like a baby at the sight of any white dog.  (Sadly, I've learned that Pets Alive in Elmsford, NY had to close down because of severe damage to their building and all the dogs were moved further away..... Just when I felt ready to resume my volunteering.) 

            Holiday events and family gatherings with the grand babies through December helped a lot.  Logan, being the astute and insightful toddler that he is, always entered the house with a hug and announced "Nana misses Lacy" at the sight of her picture sitting on a shelf in the kitchen.  Somehow, hearing him say it over time, made me realize how simple his acceptance was, of her not being around anymore, which helped me to accept it too. Children teach us so much.

           I tried to return to designing (half-heartedly) and absorbed myself in research, development and creating more product, feeling the need to keep the brand going.  I was even able to sell a bit in that period of time. Treks into the city in January and February (through snow and sleet more often than not) for trade events, seminars, and trim and fabric shopping were invigorating and productive.  As I write, I see a pattern here…..literally, time does heal all wounds. Though I don’t feel I can ever entirely “heal”, I am now able to see a dog and not burst into tears.

            The freezing weather of Mid-February and March,  finally drove us to warmer climes and a six week stay in Florida. With free lodging and use of a car at my brother-in-law’s house, it was good to get away.  The hardest part of that was learning to actually relax; the easy part was enjoying the warmth.  When we weren't taking day trips to the beaches, the Gulf Stream race track or a mini-vaca within a vaca to Naples, Florida, I sat with my Ipad in hand by the koi pond and watched any and all YouTube videos pertaining to dogs.  I checked all the pet adoption sites online,  and even went to a pet adoption event in Fort Lauderdale (though I had to leave after 45 minutes, wishing I could take several of the pups home with me.) Pathetic, huh?   However,  I went from NEVER wanting another dog, to maybe, some day, to WHEN I get another dog. So I guess that’s progress.

 Gladly, two little teacup Yorkies, Sassy and Zena were also visiting at the time and they allowed me a much needed reintroduction into fur baby snuggling, tiny wet pup kisses and giggle producing, comical antics. They also inspired some sweet little teacup products I’m actually excited about and have begun creating, so that too is progress.

 Now that we’re back in NY, and I have my own space once again, I feel the renewal spring always brings.  There are courses to take, patterns to perfect, pet events to attend, harnesses to produce..... newness abounds………I’d say I’m back on track, with an occasional mis-step and a tear for my girl ...but I’m OK.  

There's a hazy void in the studio these days

There's a hazy void in the studio these days that I try to ignore but haven’t the capacity to do so.  Yes, I have my health, a husband, two daughters and two beautiful grand babies who love me as I love them, a cozy house with nature visible from every window, the gift of creativity and days filled with it, music, art, cherished friendships....so much to be grateful for… yes, but I HAD a dog, or more accurately put, she HAD me and the emptiness in my heart seems to defy logic as I try to immerse myself in the normalcy of work.  

From the day we brought her home in September 1997, I was smitten.  But she was my youngest daughter's dog, compensation for snatching her away from our life in California and moving her across country to NY (yet again) at the age of 12, tender and tumultuous.  As it usually happens, the promise she made to be the sole caretaker of this ball of white cotton with legs was short lived and the task (honor) fell to me.  I never minded, even though Lacy was often times aloof, with her own agenda, just like my preteen daughter.  But they were the best of friends throughout her teenage, angst-filled years and Lacy always had a calming and (and comic) effect on us all during those times. 

I think though, that when I lost my job in 2007 and started working freelance from home, Lacy and I began a special relationship reserved for those who have begun to grow old together.  

She shivered in the cold, so I made her sweaters and she became my muse, the reason I wanted to start a pet wear business. She stood quietly as I fit harnesses and sweaters on her, some working, some not. She patiently accompanied me to pet events and posed for pictures with a demure over-the-shoulder glance and that same aloofness I found so charming. Together we developed products and in 2010, launched Lollypups Designer Petwear. She was always at my feet in the studio, I cooked her chicken and rice, and groomed her myself once she showed signs of stress going to the groomer.  We walked on the property in all seasons loving autumn and the falling leaves the best, lounged on a chaise together during the summer, felt the rekindling of spring and the new green grass. When it snowed, I shoveled a path so we could continue our walks.  

It snowed today and I hated that I didn't need to shovel a path for her.....I know in time the pain will subside somewhat but my love for this little being who just silently loved being with the family will never change. She was a good dog and life will never be the same without her. I tell myself to keep Lollypups going but I’ve lost half my heart, so I wonder how do I do that? Only time will tell I suppose.

I will always love you........RIP Lacy

This is a hard one to write. 
Lacy was my muse. She inspired Lollypups Petwear, and delighted all around her when we attended pet vendor events.  That was part of her function. And to look perpetually puppy-like, which she did with dignity, especially after I groomed her and she knew how pretty she looked. The other part was to just be loved by me  which was easy to do.
I always said we were growing old together and having the time of our lives now that I was home with her full time. Empty next syndrome never happened when my youngest daughter left for college because I had Lacy present in my life.

Sadly, my sweet girl passed away at 16 years and two months on August 20,2013 and I miss her terribly.
I miss how:
she patiently listened to me play my fiddle though I know being deaf made it easier for her to do so. 
I miss  her 'quarking' to go outside for a potty break.  (Sometimes my fiddling sounded like her quarking.  We both sounded silly and didn't care.)
I miss her sitting silently at my feet while I worked on new pieces for Lollypups, mostly inspired by her needs. 
I miss her tongue, that went on for days and would randomly kiss me wherever her head would rest. 
I miss cooking for her and leaving bowls of filtered water at various locations she would frequent around the house and yard so she never had to walk too far to quench her thirst.
I miss her laying on my bed when JL was off on business and how she patiently allowed him to move her to her own bed on the floor beside me,  when he returned.
I miss her laying on the couch after JL and I had dinner, sitting through The Sopranos, True Blood, Dexter or Breaking Bad.  Just having us all together at the days end was so precious, even though she slept through it all.
I miss when she was well and fiercely chased away the deer in the back yard, luckily, never catching one or when she had an attack of the zoomies in the playroom.  I mostly miss when she was well, period........

She was just not right around mid July.  Sometimes eating, sometimes not even though I cooked for her for months and she had been happy to eat what I made.  Watery stool, then firm. Restless, then asleep throughout the entire day. Sometimes disoriented and skittish.
Then the vomiting started.   I took her to the vet for a check up all the while sensing that I may be in denial that she was failing.  So selfish of me really.  She was moving so much slower due to arthritic joints but never showed any signs of pain. Her vision was failing as was her hearing. The diaper stayed on whenever she was in the house or we were visiting, all this I only attributed to her age. I began carrying her to the back yard for her potty breaks and hand feeding her because she wouldn't eat.  She was down to 8 pounds from 10 and 1/2, and I could feel her little spine sharply poking from beneath her skin. 
The vet examined her and told me Lacy still had some time left, in spite of a slight heart murmer.  She said to give her a quarter tablet of Pepcid AC to calm her nausea which was probably why she refused to eat.   She said that she would call me with the results of her blood test the next day.  So I left happy.

I gave her the quarter tablet, bought her organic beef and cooked it with fresh parsley (to calm her stomach) but she still refused to eat.  I figured it would take a couple days for the Pepcid to work.
The next day, I hand fed her tuna from my plate and that she did eat a bit of it, so I felt it was a good sign.  The vet called as promised and the news was grim.  Her kidneys were shutting down, was I ok with giving needles. She needed to have infusions of liquid (I don't remember what was in the iv bag) to insert under her skin so it would absorb into her body rather that her drinking and just peeing it out.
Of course I can do this, just show me how.  It looked easy when the vet tech showed me what to do.  I even did it myself with her there guiding me.  It was another story once I was on my own at home.
On day one, I was only able to get half the dose into her before she shook out the needle.  The next day the same thing.  On my 3rd try, she yelped and I realized this was just me being selfish again.  She can't get better so why was I putting her through this.  I brought her outside to pee and she walked slowly, stumbling a bit as her little legs gave way and she tried to hold herself up.  She turned her head and looked up at me with such sad eyes as if to say, "it's ok mom". I knew then that I had to give her up.  I can't go into the particulars of that day but it was time, there was not more denying it.  I brought her bed with us to the vet's and made sure she was comfortable. She was given a sedative and we held her and talked to her for as long as we could. When she was asleep, we had to leave.  I needed to feel the little flutter of her heart, that I was always so aware of when she was in my arms, did not stop while I was there. But that she was at rest and peaceful.

I packed up her things and will bring them to the shelter when I can bring myself to do so.  I kept Otto the stuffed dog I liked to call Lacy's "bedfellow",  and I stroke him every now and then as he lays beside my bed in the place once reserved for Lacy and I remember the softness of the 16 years I stroked her familiar white coat.

Ms. Lacy is retired, I'm sorry to say...........

The amazing Ms. Lacy, muse, mascot and major force behind the Lollypups brand, has decided it's time to hang up her rhinestone collar and spend the rest of her years lolling about in relaxation mode. I can't say that I blame her. All those sweater fittings on hot summer days, on and off again harness inventions, some working some not, events requiring her to prance about in the latest vests and matching leads, occasional red carpet appearances and oh the pupparazzi! She worked hard for the money for sure, always maintaining the aloof and sophisticated demeanor befitting a diva super model of her stature. Patiently allowing sniffing dogs and small children to lavish attention on her.
Now she sleeps well past eleven AM most mornings, saunters around her "spot" in the back yard for her morning constitutional, has her breakfast, and then naps for the rest of the day. Summer is here so she's apt to be found outdoors lying at my feet while I sketch the next new collection, and will make her usual obscene 'rowr rowr' and guttural sounds when I'm spending too much time inside the studio.

The newest dilemma for Ms. Lacy is her incontinence. Those diapers are so humiliating, I know, but necessary for a senior dog such as she. And talk about expensive!! She most certainly would benefit from a classy diaper cover for which I have, happily, almost perfected the pattern. She doesn't object if I try it on her now and again since in the end, it will eliminate the embarrassment of her "eliminating" on the carpets. Poor old gal. Inspiration came from the old fashioned "rubber pants" back in the days before Pampers. I used to put them on my baby brother over his cloth diaper, and remember how the elastic around the legs used to chafe his fat little thighs. So for sure I won't be doing that, however the material used was waterproof so with all the fabric selections at hand nowadays, there are plenty of chic options. Besides that, there's a growing trend toward cloth diapering for babies and I've been studying the options my daughter buys for 8 month old Dylan. For now, Lacy wears my first trial, which does the job but I still need to perfect the fit.

It's at a point in our lives where, although she has always been the ruler of the roost, I feel even more strongly that she have everything and anything she wants. She's earned it. Yes I feed her from the table, yes she sits on my lap while I work at the computer, yes I take her out every 15 minutes if she wants me to, and yes, she still comes up on the bed with me until JL comes in. I cook her chicken and rice with veggies thrown in, give her glucosamine and condroitin supplements and she still gets a soft, chewy treat whenever she pees outside. She doesn’t get scolded for peeing in the house. Why bother? She doesn’t know she’s doing it so she won’t connect what the scolding is about and frankly, I can't bring myself to do it anyway. I don’t want any negativity for her at this stage of her life.

Good dog, Lacy. I love you.