There's a hazy void in
the studio these days that I try to ignore but haven’t the capacity to do so. Yes,
I have my health, a husband, two daughters and two beautiful grand babies who
love me as I love them, a cozy house with nature visible from every window, the
gift of creativity and days filled with it, music, art, cherished
friendships....so much to be grateful for… yes, but I HAD a dog, or more
accurately put, she HAD me and the emptiness in my heart seems to defy logic as
I try to immerse myself in the normalcy of work.
From the day we
brought her home in September 1997, I was smitten. But she was my youngest
daughter's dog, compensation for snatching her away from our life in California
and moving her across country to NY (yet again) at the age of 12, tender and tumultuous. As
it usually happens, the promise she made to be the sole caretaker of this ball
of white cotton with legs was short lived and the task (honor) fell to
me. I never minded, even though Lacy was often times aloof, with her
own agenda, just like my preteen daughter. But they were the best of
friends throughout her teenage, angst-filled years and Lacy always had a
calming and (and comic) effect on us all during those times.
I think though, that
when I lost my job in 2007 and started working freelance from home, Lacy and
I began a special relationship reserved for those who have begun to grow
old together.
She shivered in the
cold, so I made her sweaters and she became my muse, the reason I wanted to
start a pet wear business. She stood quietly as I fit harnesses and sweaters on
her, some working, some not. She patiently accompanied me to pet events and posed
for pictures with a demure over-the-shoulder glance and that same aloofness I
found so charming. Together we developed products and in 2010, launched
Lollypups Designer Petwear. She was always at my feet in the studio, I cooked
her chicken and rice, and groomed her myself once she showed signs of stress
going to the groomer. We walked on the property in all seasons
loving autumn and the falling leaves the best, lounged on a chaise together
during the summer, felt the rekindling of spring and the new green grass. When
it snowed, I shoveled a path so we could continue our walks.
It snowed today and I
hated that I didn't need to shovel a path for her.....I know in time the pain
will subside somewhat but my love for this little being who just silently loved
being with the family will never change. She was a good dog and life will never
be the same without her. I tell myself to keep Lollypups going but I’ve lost
half my heart, so I wonder how do I do that? Only time will tell I suppose.
